I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize