We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
