dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just tell him i said nine months
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
