Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
