pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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