did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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