Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
