it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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