too bad you live with your parents still
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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