if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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