so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
