One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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