Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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