it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize