He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
