Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
