I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
