he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I deserve this hangover.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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