Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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