no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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