yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
