At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
