"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
