were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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