I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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