My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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