First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
