TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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