Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
