is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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