you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
