I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
