who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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