I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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