girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
