We won't sleep together?
zippers are such a cool invention
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
