No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
