..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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