hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
