so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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