My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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