how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
