She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
