I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
