After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
