If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
