my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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