I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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