In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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