Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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