Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
