i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
