Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
