i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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