It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
