his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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