You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
