She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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