woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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