i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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