she takes plan B like it's going out of style
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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