If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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