just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize