Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
