My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
