Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
