i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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