They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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