i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize