youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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