hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
