There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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