I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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