do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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