I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
