I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
