i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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