The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
