Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
