I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
