Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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