The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
