Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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