Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
