how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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