Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
