Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
