we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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