Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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