So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
