i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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