adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
