Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
