im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
