Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
