So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
soo... how was my night?
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