the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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