my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize