ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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