miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
