dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
