i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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