Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
