Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
