I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
